Dear Friend, yes you, the Reader,
I live a contradicting life. I don’t really understand who I am or where I want to go or what I want to do in life. The struggle is real yo. I mean, I just go through life easy-breezy and haven’t been thinking about the big picture.
I’ve already decided I’m posting this to FB, (and ashamedly my initial choice was to post this at a time I hope not many people will read this- aka when I’m finished writing which will be around 1:40am), but what I’m about to say causes me to pause and be saddened by the fact that if you’re my friend (even if you’re an acquaintance), and you’re specifically a non church friend, then do you know I’m a Christian?
At this point I just have to cry a bit. In my head, the answer should be a resounding ‘YES! Of COURSE! How could I Not know you’re a Christian?’ But the reality is, my life has not been a good reflection of who Jesus was and is. This is what I mean about being a contradiction. All my life, I’ve been raised as a good Christian girl, and I was told that when people see me, they should see God. I think this is a good and true and honest goal in life. But I am physically unable to live this life. I will fail. And people in this world will see me, and they’ll hear me cuss, and they’ll see me get angry, and they’ll see my insolence, they’ll experience my road rage, they’ll see my disregard for my family, they’ll catch me in a lie, they will experience my pride, they’ll see me put myself over others, they’ll see where I put my money, my pride in possessions, and they will say ‘Look at that so called Christian, what a lie she lives.”
I am physically unable to live this life. But that’s because on my own, I can’t. I was born into a fallen, messed up, broken world. And I, myself, Joanna Lynn Drake, cannot be a reflection of God by my own willpower alone. Physically- my body, my words, my mind, my eyes, my hands will betray me and I will physically contradict living a Christian life. But… I believe in the supernatural. Call me crazy, but I believe in God; and public school, college, secular thinking, and social media hasn’t changed that about me.
This post, and the decision to share it publicly and get at least one comment on it, is a cry for accountability. I am a Christian. And what I mean by that is: I love Jesus and try to live a life that points back to the life he lived.
Every year my church does this thing called the 35 Day Journey. It’s 35 days of fasting and prayer before God. We do it all together, and have a sermon series on it and everything. Fasting can come in the form of fasting from: food, TV, social media, negative thinking, getting on your laptop, your phone, basically anything that consumes your time and is a distraction from the bigger picture, which is God wanting to know you, and you getting to know God, and his story being shared. God.. the big man himself, wants to get to know ME and YOU. And he wants US to share his story. Right. That’s cray cray.
I have forgotten this. And just the fact that some people in my life might not know I’m a Christian is why I’m writing this, and why I’m asking for YOUR help on my personal 35 Day Journey. Yes you, reader. You. Don’t be shaking your head now. Don’t be like, “oh she will never know I read this so I shouldn’t ask her about this later”. No, no. Please, it’s 2014, we’ve all resolved to do big things, little things, in-between things. Well, count this as one of your things in 2014 that will be different than 2013. I want your help in reminding me on FB, on Twitter, through a text message, through a voicemail, through a phone call, through FaceTime, through awkward real life face to face involvement, through commenting below, on my resolution to be a reflection of who God is.
The 35 Day Journey starts on January 19th, but I’m prepping for it now. You, reader, need to call me out on my bullsh*t, I mean my bull crap, or my bull crud. Wow that just doesn’t have the same ring to it. <Rewind>…You, reader, need to call me out on my character. We all want to be better people, right? The way I personally am the best that I can be is when I’m in a daily, by the hour, by the minute, relationship with God. It’s that simple. But, I can’t do it without your help. My resolution to be a reflection of who God is will just fly ladeeda out the window if I don’t have people reminding me… oh hey, how’s that thing going for ya? your resolution?
Really, the most basic thing I need from you, is a like. Or a comment on FB. Or if you’re feeling bold, maybe even a share. Knowing that you read this is enough. I want to change the world, and the people in it, and a way I can start doing that is actually changing myself.
“Awake O’ Sleeper, arise from death, and Christ will shine in you.” -Eph 5:14